Can I Be Your Memory?
by SingingInTheShower
Summary: A HarryxGinny story about when Harry is away during The Deathly Hallows. Set to the song "Memory" by Sugarcult


Disclaimer: I don't own the Harry Potter series or "Memory" by Sugarcult

A GinnyxHarry story set during The Deathly Hallows.

This may never start  
We could fall apart  
And I'd be your memory

I stare out the window of this hole in the wall that has become my prison. Why can't I go out? Why can't I help? It's just because I'm underage. If I wasn't, I could be useful. Ugh. I hate being stuck here, in this dark hole, with nothing to do but stare out this dingy window and feel sorry for myself. Mum and Dad won't let me do anything. Why can't I just—"

My thoughts come to a halt as I feel angry, frustrated tears well up in my eyes. No. I can't—won't— let myself think these things. I can't think these dangerous, tumultuous, angry thoughts. All it will do is cause me to feel pity. Pity for myself. I refuse to wallow in the ridiculous, masochistic feeling that is self-pity. It doesn't do anyone any good.

Lost your sense of fear  
Feelings insincere  
Can I be your memory?

I force my thoughts off of this avenue of destruction. I wonder what the Order is up to today. Trying desperately to find a way to inflict even the smallest of damage to the Death Eaters, probably. Or trying to free the children at Hogwarts from the corruption and imprisonment they've been put under. Or maybe even attempting to help the tons of muggle-borns being put on trial for theft of magic. Just like before, when that man who was suppose to be a Death Eater and those other two ministry workers helped all those people escape. The odd thing was, the Death Eater man showed up for work the next day back to normal. I wonder…could it have been them? Could it have been you?

So get back, back, back to where we lasted  
Just like I imagine  
I could never feel this way

My heart beat picks up without my permission. Another dangerous path to go down. Ending in more self-pity and, even worse, loneliness. But once I start, I can't seem to stop…

So get back, back, back to the disaster  
My heart's beating faster  
Holding on to feel the same

Without allowing myself to, I started thinking of you. Your thin yet somehow strong arms around me, the way you sound when youlaughed. So innocent, so carefree. I shake my head, trying in vain to dispel these hazardous yet oh-so-enticing thoughts.

It's over. We decided that long ago. It's what's best. Better—safer even— for the both of us. At least, it was suppose to be. That's what I try to tell my self.

This may never start  
I'll tear us apart  
Can I be your enemy?

A memory of your green eyes sparkling in the sun while we're sitting on the shores of the Black Lake flashes through my mind, and just like that I lose the will to fight. I close my eyes and slump against the wall behind me, letting my self sink into memories of you…of us together. How long has it been since I've seen you? Four months? Five? Maybe six? I've lost track. I can't seem to keep track of any time anymore. It was in the past, and there is no time to dwell in the past. Not anymore. Not now, during these times of peril and war. So why am I remembering you? Why now?

Losing half a year  
Waiting for you here  
I'd be your anything

It'd happened before. I'd see or hear something that would remind me of you, and in an instant I was caught up in memories of simpler, happier days. The final day of the Quidditch tournament. The day we won the Quidditch Cup. The day you first—or should I say finally?—kissed me. The way your lips felt against mine. Your smell, all around me, filling my nose until every shocked, gasping, murmuring prat in the room melted away and only you existed. My heart beats faster again and I feel my cheeks heat up. I shiver, wishing without a glimmer of hope that when I open my eyes I could be back in those times.

So get back, back, back to where we lasted  
Just like I imagine  
I could never feel this way

The day of Dumbledore's funeral. I looked at you, and in that instant I knew what would happen. I hadn't liked it then and I don't like it now, but I knew it had to happen. I knew it was the only way. I knew that you did it for me. I just wish our time together hadn't been so short. It started out as a look of encouragement, to let you know I understood. But soon I was lost in your eyes, unable to look away. I wondered if you noticed. Even if you did, you said nothing, and for that I was grateful.

So get back, back, back to the disaster  
My heart's beating faster  
Holding on to feel the same

I feel a different type of tears forming in my eyes this time, and try fruitlessly to hold them back. It's times like these that I'm glad I'm the only one forced to stay behind. I don't want anyone to see me like this. I squeeze my eyes tighter, but a few traitor tears leak out of the corners anyway. I rub them away impatiently. It's for the best, I tell myself. It doesn't mean you don't care. It's the opposite, in fact. It's for the best…I repeat it over and over in my head like a mantra. My life-line, keeping me afloat.

This may never start  
Tearing out my heart  
I'd be your memory

Your birthday. I pulled you into my room, even though I knew it would probably only make things harder. I made some stupid wise-crack about how I hoped you wouldn't run away with some veela and forget about me. Then I was kissing you, and nothing else mattered. Your jet-black hair, always in disarray, felt especially soft that day. I fleetingly thought that maybe it was just the addicting bitter-sweetness of the moment getting to my head.

More tears stream silently down my face, but I make no move to wipe them away this time. Did you meet some girl, wherever you are? Or areyou really so preoccupied with your task that you have no time, just as you promised?

Lost your sense of fear  
Feelings disappeared  
Can I be your memory?

It has to be the latter option. You couldn't be out in public in times like this, with Death Eaters on every corner searching for even a whisper of your whereabouts. Selfishly, I feel comforted by this thought. You're in danger. Every minute of every day. I should not feel comforted by the reassurance that you cannot meet anyone else. I shouldn't, but I do.

So get back, back, back to where we lasted  
Just like I imagine  
I could never feel this way

Are you even safe? Are you even still alive? I quickly banish that last thought from my head. Of course you're alive. You'd never let them kill you. Besides, if you were gone, we'd have heard about it already, even in this black hole we're forced hide in.

Do ever think of me? Do you get lost in memories of us, too? If you do, do you feel the same, hallow longing in your heart that I do? Or am I just a fading memory in the back of your mind? A sob tries to work its way out of my throat at that thought, but I stubbornly suppress it, breathing through my nose so it can't escape.

No. You won't forget about me. You care. I could see it in every look, hear it in every word, feel it in every touch and kiss you gave me. You care. You have to. If you don't, how will I go on with out you?

So get back, back, back to the disaster  
My heart's beating faster  
Holding on to feel the same

You do think of me, don't you? You won't, if you haven't already, forget about me will you? I won't just become a barely there memory to you, will I? I long to have you here, comforting me, reassuring me. Don't forget. Keep me with you. Please. Remember me. Remember us.

This may never start  
We could fall apart  
And I'd be your memory

I shake my head once more, bringing myself back to the present. I wipe away my tears, and this time no more fall. I can't think of this now. I have to concentrate on the now, and hope for the best to come in the future. All I can do is be patient and wait until the day that I can be in your arms again. Until then, I'll fight on.

My moment of weakness over, I open my eyes and stare out the window again. But I still dream. I dream of that day when you will come back and we can finally be together in peace. It seems I'll have to wait forever, but I know you're worth it, and you'll come back in your own time. You have a job to do first.

Lost your sense of fear  
Feelings insincere  
Can I be your memory?

Until then, remember me…

Can I be your memory?


End file.
